vineri, 7 aprilie 2017
EN: Many times when I met mothers, especially those with young children, I fet like all they talk about was their babies, as if their entire universe spins around their infants and they are their only conversation topics. Now, after three and a half months, I hear myself saying his name more and more, oftently thinking about baby related things... My first reaction was frustration, the feeling that I slowly disapear among diapers and breastfeeding hours and trying to create a space for Carol and a space for myself, because I don't want to lose the "I". And today I realized that he enriches me, not taking over me, but I must treat him like a human being, one that for the beginning needs my complete presence, but he will grow independent and I don't have to believe (although I feel this way), that he'll be forever hanging on me. I try to offer him attention, to do what is needed for him to be healthy, but in every moment not to forget that there is also me, even if now I am a mother too, I am not only this. It's a subtle process of becoming, that will probably last for many years, a let go of the ego, on the one hand and the conquer of feminity on the other. Carol's arrival in the world forced me to see myself, to think about what I do, what I am and it's clear to me that these haven't cross my mind too much before him, I lived in a sort of inertia and even during pregnancy I wasn't actually honest to myself, to the idea of wanting and having a baby. So now I'm learning, together with him and his father, my wonderful partner how to deal with my feelings every day (that honestly, I wasn't expecting to be so strong, but it seems hormones during motherhood are like vulcanoes:)), to overcome the feeling of "forever" and "never"and to keep my soul and my mind clear. so that we can enjoy this adventure!