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marți, 12 decembrie 2017

Tribal Flow

Ma opresc uneori si ma minunez de data in care ne aflam (nu data exacta, pe asta niciodata n-o stiu, pentru ca nu am obiceiul sa ma uit in calendar), de lunile multe care s-au scurs. Anul acesta a fost ca pimul an pentru mine si pentru noi si timpul s-a oprit si a inceput iar sa curga anul trecut, in 27 decembrie. De atunci parca fiecare zi a fost cat o viata intreaga, masurata prin ochii unui bebe care se transforma in copilas, in om. E uimitor de urmarit cat de rapida e evolutia copiilor in primul an si oricat de obosita m-as simti, sunt tot atat de fascinata si incantata. Desi pentru mine a fost o perioada grea si inca ma lupt cu frica de atasament, cu eul meu egoist care vrea sa ma convinga ca viata nu v-a mai fi la fel (si are dreptate, dar nu neaparat intr-un sens negativ), ma bucur de fiecare clipa. Cumva incep sa inteleg ca traim o mare aventura si e tot mai distractiv. Si incet imi regasesc ritmul si constat ca mare parte din timpul dinainte de Carol il pierdeam cu inutilitati. Am si acum suficient timp sa pictez, sa citesc, sa fac bai lungi, sa ma plimb si chiar de la o vreme sa stau in pat si sa visez cu ochii deschisi.
Anul acesta a fost inceputul maturitatii pentru mine si fiecare hop depasit m-a adus mai aproape de liniste si intelegere. Cu plans, cu impotrivire, cu nemultumire si depresie, dar toate sentimente pe care le constientiez si le tin in frau fara sa ma copleseasca.
Anul acesta ma simt norocoasa si savurez viata asa cum mi-am realizez ca e buna tare!

EN: I sometimes stop and wonder on the date (not the exact one, while I don't really check the calendar often) and the many months that went by. This year was like the first one for me and for us and time stopped and started again on the 27th December last year.Since thenit feels like each day was a full lifetime, measured through the eyes of a little baby that is turning into a chil and a man. It's amazing to watch the fast evolution and as tiring as it feels, I'm fascinated and delighted. Although for me it has been a hard time and I still fight fear of attachment, my selfish ego that wants to convince me that life will never be the same (it's true, but it's not necessarily bad), I enjoy every moment. Somehow I start to understand that we are living a great adventure and it's more and more fun. And I slowly find my rhythm and realize that before Carol I was wasting quite a lot of time doing usless things. Now I still have enough time to paint, to read, to take long baths, to walk and even since some weeks to lay in bed and daydream.
This year was the beginning of maturity for me and each obstacle conquered got me closer to peace and understanding. With crying, fighting, unhappiness and depresion, but all these are feelings that I embrace and keep under control.
This year I feel lucky and I enjoy the life I's a good one!

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