Intr-un fel de-a spune, vorba cantecului, ar trebui sa ne bucuram de iarna, de vremea rece si sa ne facem provizii de leneveala pentru zielele pline de vara. Imi aduc aminte cand eram mica, savuram fiecare moment de liniste, de "nefacere". Si visam cu orele, ma pierdeam in carti si aroma de ceai si nicio clipa nu simteam ca as pierde timpul. Urata expresie, "sa pierzi timpul"! Acum, parca am fi alergati de vreun stapan de sclavi, nu avem stare o clipa, mereu trebuie, dar musai, sa facem, sa producem, caci altfel parca n-avem sens. Saptamana trecuta mi-am luat o pauza. Fara voie. Nu mai patisem de muuuult sa simt ca trebuie sa ma opresc si sa stau in pat, in mijlocul zilei, vlaguita. Dar a avut grija febra de asta si, desi m-am chinuit o vreme, m-am hotarat totusi sa stau. Ingrijorata, panicata, cu senzatia ca lumea se va opri, ca imi voi iesi din ritm si voi ramane in urma cu toate...Si am dormit. O zi. Si apoi inca una si inca una, de parca nu mai dormisem de mult. Si ca sa vezi, nu s-a intamplat nimic, lumea s-a invartit in continuare. M-am muncit si cu sentimentul vinovat ca nu am chef sa fac, desi agenda se umpluse. Si iata-ma azi, inca ametita, inca fara chef, dar hotarata sa nu ma mai simt prost. Pana la urma e firesc sa fie si zile sau saptamani, in care sa nu vrei sa faci. Si altele in care sa faci mai mult (care nu sunt neaparat o regula, dar nici exceptii). Cred ca oamenii au uitat ritmul natural al vietii si s-au prins intr-un cerc nesfarsit care ii lasa fara energie. Parca nu mai stim sa ne ascultam si nici chiar cand organismul cere, nu ne oprim.
Asa ca azi e ziua de "il dolce far niente", cum spun italienii. Nici duminica, nici vacanta sau vreo zi "oficiala" de stat. Pur si simplu luni.
EN: We should enjoy winter and cold weather and gather laziness for the full days of summer to come. I remember when I was younger, I used to cherish every moment of silence and "undoing". And dreamed for hours, reading books and drinking flavored tea, never feeling I'm wasting time. Ugly expression "to waste time". Now, it seems like somebody is running after us, we always have to, compulsory, do, produce, cause otherwise we think we're meaningless.
Last week I took a break. Without wanting, but had to. It's been long since I needed to stop and felt weak and drained. But the fever took over and i had to stay in bed. So, I slept for one, two, three days, worried, panicked that I'll be left behind with all the work. Feeling guilty. But nothing happened. The world kept moving. Today I'm still dizzy, still without the mood of doing, but decided not to feel bad about it. In the end it's natural to have days or weeks or as much time as you need, without wanting to do. Or days when you feel like doing everything and end up finishing a lot. I believe people forgot the natural rhythm of life and got trapped in a circle which drains their energy. It's like we don't know to listen to ourselves and stop when we need to.
So, today is "il dolce far niente" day, as the Italians say. Not Sunday, not holiday or any other official stay day. Just Monday. A lazy one.
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